February, 1995

I dropped out of college in the dead of winter.

Fortunately, I was living in Tucson, Arizona at the time.

Less fortunately, my only transportation was a motorcycle, and I had a thirty minute commute to my first full-time job.

And my shift started at 3 a.m.

It was still pretty cold.


I won't get into the details around my truncated college experience here, because that's a series of screw-ups that are better left for another time. This story begins with me going to a job fair for America Online one afternoon and demonstrating enough technical aptitude during the initial screening for them to offer me a job on the spot. It paid eight bucks an hour.

The minimum wage at the time was $4.25, so I felt like some kind of genius. I accepted the offer without every considering that I'd be working a graveyard shift (they didn't mention that until I was through orientation; shifts were re-assigned every six months, and you got to select your preference based on seniority).

I had also been hired shortly after they'd stopped offering stock to their employees - another kick in the ass that I didn't quite grasp at the time


Call center jobs are generally pretty terrible. And working a call center doing technical support for people who can't get their America Online service working in the wee hours of the morning has got to be close to the bottom of the spectrum. If you don't remember life before broadband, I'll explain: The internet was a primordial soup of what can only be described as chaotic garbage, and you paid by the minute for the privilege of wading into it. You had to dedicate your phone line to this process, which was a real inconvenience, as nobody really had mobile phones.

If you were fancy, you had a second landline installed at home. If you were wealthy or stupidly committed to the effort, you got ISDN (look it up, I'm not explaining it here, but, yes, I had it once). If you were normal, you told everyone in the house when you were about to get online so that they wouldn't pick up the phone while you were connected, because that would immediately cut you off. If you had caller ID on your line, you had to remember to disable it in your modem string.

And that was where I lived for eight months. Modem strings. The arcane codes you sent to your modem right before dialing the number to your ISP to ensure you had the most stable possible connection. AOL's software would try to automatically guess the best possible string, but when it missed, and people had bad connections, or couldn't connect at all, they called me.

If you bought a shitty computer, or installed a shitty modem in your computer, you'd have problems. Back in those days, a lot of shady companies sold 9600 bps modems with compression and labeled them at 14.4k bps (which was near top speed at the time). You needed a string that would tell the modem to behave at its real speed, because AOL already had compression running and would barf on the modem's sad attempt to do the same. People would get mad that AOL wouldn't give them the full 14.4k speed that they paid for. I learned a lot of very polite ways to tell people not to be cheapskates.

(Dial up modems would eventually top out at 56k. ISDN got you 128k. Imagine paying a fortune for garbage bandwidth like that... we did, and we liked it.)

For eight months, my life was 3 a.m. modem strings and generally surly insomniac AOL addicts. I saw things, man. I heard things. I had a bell on the top of my monitor that I would ring every time I heard a caller flush a toilet. You learn to find humor in the little things. But I finally quit after getting passed over for a promotion that would have taken me off the call center floor. I couldn't do it anymore. I was drinking a gallon of coffee a day and reciting modem strings in my sleep, according to my girlfriend at the time.

But I learned a thing or two along the way.


AOL was my first job, and at the time I was proud of it. It was a company that everyone had heard of, in an industry that was about to explode. I wanted to be awesome at it.

So I paid close attention during orientation. It was two weeks of technical and customer service training, but they also had us read a book.

It was called Raving Fans, and, to be honest, it was the 1990's equivalent of the Gumroad e-book grift where you pay $47 for a twelve page PDF. It was 150 pages of complete filler that could have been illustrated in a three-slide PowerPoint deck. But the premise stuck with me: A successful business doesn't need lukewarm customers. It needs enthusiastic ones.

This was the mission, according to CEO Steve Case. I took it very seriously.

Most of the middle management did not. Call center employees were expected to process calls in three minutes or less. From hello to resolution to goodbye in 180 seconds.

I was utterly terrible at this part of the job.


The best reps figured out how to just get people off the phone with half a solution in a hurry. Yes, you could get dinged for a customer that has to call back, but that was rare, and if you were punching out 20 calls an hour, nobody really cared anyway. I learned all the slick ways to do this from the old-timers who would talk shop during their smoke breaks.

(Lesson One: Take smoke breaks. Even if you don't smoke. The smokers all collaborate out there together, and you'll learn a lot faster. I'd go out with a cup of coffee just for the fresh air and made friends with all of the guys and gals who had the same break times. They were collectively the best reps on the floor for a reason - they all talked to each other. The guys taking breaks at their desk never learned anything.)

It wasn't uncommon to mock the relative stupidity of the average AOL tech support client, but I generally tried to forgive all but the most egregious examples. After all, my dad would call me all the time with some of the same questions, and he has a few PhD's. Not knowing computers doesn't make you stupid any more than not knowing how to change a transmission, but I.T. folks are stereotypically bad at understanding this.

I was patient, and my call times were terrible, because I was out there trying to make raving fans. It didn't get me promoted, but I learned what I was good at, and I came away with a few good stories to tell.


The best one was the woman who couldn't install the software at all.

She worked a graveyard shift as a nurse, and called me on her day off. She was already frustrated when I answered, curtly rattling off her name and phone number as if she'd done this a dozen times already.

"That's the fifth disk you guys have sent out, and it still doesn't work," she said.

I pulled up her information. She had no account with AOL, but she was still in our problem tracking system. This was now the fifth time she'd called. The notes from the previous techs all said the same thing. The floppy drive keeps reading an unformatted diskette. Suspect bad drive, or some kind of weird bug in the operating system wiping the disk.

"I took the computer in to have it looked at, and the guy at the shop says it's fine. He was able to use the disk drive with no problems," she continued.

Whoever this computer tech was, I wanted to punch him. He couldn't have just installed the AOL client for her while he had the PC? It's not likely that he didn't have a copy of it lying around. You have to understand - in the mid 90's, AOL floppies were a damned plague. They were EVERYWHERE. Every computer magazine had one stuffed in it. Every retail outlet had a stack of them on the counter for you to take. If we had your address and you weren't a customer already, we were mailing you one. We'd give your friends free time on AOL if they'd refer you (and give us your address to flood you with diskettes with). I knew guys who would request them deliberately, just to wipe them and use them as free blank diskettes. AOL floppies (and later, CD's) probably accounted for 83% of the e-waste in the world at the time.

But there was nothing I could do about idiot PC mechanic guy. I was surprised that this woman was even still trying to give us her money. Most clients would quit after one or two calls. But she really wanted this to work. Her son had referred her, and she wanted to use e-mail to keep in touch, since her work hours made phone calls difficult.

So, I started walking her through the process. We tried the disk she had. Sure enough, it was blank. Not just blank, but totally unformatted. I had her format it, just to be sure the drive worked (I didn't trust idiot PC mechanic guy). It did. She could even save a file to the disk, remove it from the drive, and then re-insert and retrieve it.

How did she end up with five bad disks?

Something had to be killing them along the way.

"Ma'am, the mailing address we have on file, is that your home?" I asked.

"Yes" she said.

"And does the mail get delivered in a box out front or in a slot in the door?"

"A mailbox at the end of the driveway" she said.

"OK, what time of day do you usually pick your mail up?" Maybe the disk was sitting in the sun too long? I was reaching.

"I wake up in the afternoon and usually grab it before I head to work. But I don't read it right away unless it's something urgent," she said.

"OK, so, you grab your mail from the box... say it's' not urgent, like an AOL disk, where do you keep it until you have time to open it?"

"On the fridge."

"You mean like on top of your fridge?"

"No, on the side. I have a big magnet that holds it there."

I muted my phone. I let out something between a laugh and a yell of triumph.

But I also heard my manager laughing hysterically three cubicles down. He was listening to the call.

I went back to the client. "OK, ma'am, that's probably the issue. Floppy diskettes are sensitive to magnetism. The large magnet on your fridge is erasing it every time you put your mail there. Let me send you one more disk, and just keep this one away from the magnet until you can use it."

When I got off the call, my manager called me into his office.

("Office" is a generous term. He had a cubicle with a slightly higher wall than the rest of us.)

He was a good dude. Retired Marine. Generally pretty patient with me, despite the fact that I had the worst call time on the team.

He had started listening in on the call when he noticed I'd been on the phone with the same customer for more than five minutes.

"That was a hell of a call you just had," he said.

"Yeah, can you believe it? Giant refrigerator magnet." I replied.

"Great job. But that took you twenty-five minutes. They aren't going to like you staying on the phone that long."

'They' were his bosses. He was expected to coach me into a three-minute call time, but he didn't have the heart to do it. I think now it was because he knew I was just trying to solve every problem that came my way, and that was more important to me than getting the client off the phone in a hurry. I like to believe it was for my own good, even though it kept me from getting promoted. I was better off in the long run not turning into a three-minute call monkey.


Aside from the smoke break hack, I learned a few things that have served me well since.

First, it really is important to have fanatically happy customers. They don't ALL have to be this way, but if you have enough of them that are insanely devoted to your brand, you'll always be able to turn a profit. And, like the book told me, often all it takes is that extra 1% effort.

Second, I figured out what my first real talent stack was (although it would be years before I could articulate it). I was technically sharp. I loved solving problems. And I was really good at not only explaining technical concepts to laypeople, but also translating their needs into technical solutions. After a while, I realized the combination of those skills was more valuable together than any one of them apart.

Real advancement isn't just about getting better at the one or two things you're already good at; it's about constantly refining, supplementing, and recombinating a unique talent stack to add value to any given situation. As Robert Heinlein said, "Specialization is for insects."

The Google Photos app has a feature where it regularly shows you a photo from the current date, several years ago. Yesterday, it showed me this one:

A rusty old squat rack in a dirt driveway. With a chicken photobombing it.

I decided it was time to tell the story.

If you didn't know me seven years ago, you really have no idea. That's deliberate. Redemption stories are great, but I personally hate mine. I told it anyway, in a series of tweets. (You can read the original tweet that started it here):

August 2014

I'm 40 and fat

My 30s are over, and I can recall achieving nothing of note for an entire decade of my life

A corporate gig with no growth potential

A dying marriage

A home in the middle of nowhere

I've known for years I need to do something about it 

Inertia is a bitch

You get into the rut

You stay just comfortable enough

And you wake up 10 years later wondering what it's going to take to crawl out

Or are you just going to keep digging?

Problem is

Nobody wants to shame you anymore for that kind of mediocrity 

Everyone was mostly content

Money was tight, but not a real problem

The job was a dead end, but the benefits were ok

I had a roof over our heads, cars in the driveway, and food on the table

No shame in that


My son's role model was a reliably mediocre dad

My daughter would grow to expect the same of a husband

In a few generations, I'd be forgotten, and my descendants would be equally unremarkable

This was my legacy

No one shamed me for it

So I started shaming myself 

I read an article about that time

About Jared Lorenzen

A world-class talent who fell far short of his potential because he couldn't control his weight

You can still read it here:

Inside Jared Lorenzen's lifelong weight battleEx-NFL QB Jared Lorenzen still loves football. But what do you do when your appetite for food competes with your appetite for the game?https://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/11382220/ex-nfl-qb-jared-lorenzen-lifelong-battle-weight

The interviewer (also overweight) says:

"We see our futures, and they're not long ones. I'm 50, and I might feel it more deeply than he does. Nobody who's 65 looks like we do."

(Lorenzen would end up dead 5 years later. He was 38) 

At that point, I figured I'd have to do something drastic, or I'd be dead before ever seeing a grandkid

So I hopped on an exercise bike I had

It groaned

I looked at the label


Hilarious, if you think about it 

So I did the next thing that came to mind

I started running

(If you could call it that)

Couldn't make it a quarter mile at first

But I kept going

Every day

I had miles of open farm roads in the middle of the desert

(This is an actual photo I took back then)

The only dietary change I made the first month was quitting Mountain Dew

(I used to drink a six pack a day)

That alone, along with all my stupid running, shaved 30 pounds off in that time

By November I was running 5k's 

I'd also cleaned up the diet

Started counting calories

Annoyed the wife, who wanted nothing to do with it

As I said, the relationship was already dying

But this would end up killing it 

By December I realize running sucks, and the easy weight is gone

So I decide I need to lift weights

Only gym I have is a small one at the office, and I live way too far from town to be a member anywhere

(I tried, it really doesn't work)

So I start looking for home equipment 

Now, money's still a thing, so I'm stalking Craigslist for deals on used gear

By March of 2015, I get my first squat rack

This glorious bastard:

Yes, it's in my dirt driveway

Yes, there's a free range chicken in the photo

My wife liked having a hobby farm full of pets

And a garage full of crap that looked like an episode of Hoarders

So I lifted weights in the sun

It was exactly what I needed 

By 2017, I've moved out

The next year and a half basically sucks as I deal with the divorce, sale of the house, and a doozy of a custody battle

Zeroed out, financially

Took months to even get to a point where my kids would talk to me

And it was all worth it 

But none of it should have been necessary

Truth is, I knew better all along

I was in fantastic shape in my 20's

Had a brilliant career trajectory

And I let a few bad breaks knock me off target

I didn't figure out anything "new" the last 7 years

I just returned to form 

Whether this applies to you or not doesn't really matter

You already know damned well whether or not you're on target

And if you're not, you know why

You're comfortable

And your scared

And you're lazy

Fitness. Relationships. Career. Whatever. 

If you're not maxing out your potential

If you're not pursuing hyperambitious plans

What are you waiting for?

The next decade?

The next life?

This is it. You could be dead tomorrow.

Do that hard shit that you're scared of, because it's in the way of your path to greatness 

I dropped that thread at 1:20 a.m. Arizona time, thinking nothing of it. It was more than what I wanted to say, but I said it anyway, and went to bed.

I woke up to over a thousand notifications.

Thankfully, most of them were not congratulatory. They were people sharing it so that others might get the message. Which is about as much as I'd want from it.

Do not fucking congratulate me for this.

It never should have been necessary, and it's a sad state of affairs when we go around patting each other on the back for merely not being terrible.

If you're a recovering addict, or reformed convict, or renewed degenerate in any way, good. That's better than your previous awful condition, but you do not get style points for screwing up in the first place, and then taking the reasonable corrective action.

That's why I haven't told the story.

I had no excuses. I was not a victim.

I had a few bad breaks in my late 20s, nothing worse than what anyone else deals with in life, and under those conditions I was not resilient. I made bad decisions. I spent years just living with them. And then I finally stopped.

That's the message.

That's the point.

It's far, far better to not screw up in the first place. Because you never get those years back

And if you are in a situation like that, stop.

Turn the corner.

Make the hard decisions and take the effortful actions to correct course.

It will suck. It will probably hurt people.

And everyone involved will be better for it in the long run.

Obviously this story resonated with a lot of you. If you want more like it, let me know. If you have questions, reach out. Join the newsletter and you'll have my e-mail address. I read all of it.

Online communities have become a hip new trend. Places to find like-minded people focused on common goals in a space that is not as threatened by censorship or moderation that will deplatform you for wrongthink.

(This is why I've re-emphasized work on my website and mailing list lately)

I have harbored tremendous skepticism towards such communities for a long time.

Why should I pay to join?

What do they really have to offer?

How is this any different from an open community on Twitter or Facebook?

I will be honest, even after joining FoE, I held these concerns. It took a while to see the value. Because there's a lot of men in there that are struggling, and you'll see that. And you'll wonder, especially if you're not struggling, why you're there.

What's in it for you?

I began to realize that there were a lot of successful, exceptional men there. Including many of those who were struggling with certain aspects of their lives. They weren't broken men. They were men who were smart enough to ask for help in the few areas they needed to improve.

And the network has paid HUGE dividends for me. Unquestionably so. I have been able to generate new business ideas, cultivate new job leads, and learn skills from experts that I otherwise would not have access to.

I want more of you to join me there. My reasons are entirely selfish. Partly because I'm about to drop an affiliate link, but mostly because the more experts I get there, the more talent I have access to.

Doors are open on a limited basis. This window closes on Thursday, March 18, 2021. I have no idea when it will be open again.

Our beloved President has referred to certain constituents as "Neanderthals" of late, and I, for one, appreciate the compliment.

Homo neanderthalensis was likely smarter and stronger than his cousin, Homo Sapiens.

His only real problem was he was kind of anti-social, and unpopular with the rest of the bipeds of the era.


If you're inclined, I've designed a few t-shirts and such. Shop at your leisure:


Winston Churchill habitually started each day with a glass of scotch before he even got out of bed. From his early 20's, his consumption was legendary, and in addition to the booze, he routinely smoked ten cigars a day. For those of you unfamiliar with the habit, a "Churchill" length cigar takes a good 45 minutes to burn, if you're really dragging on it, so it stands to reason that the man spent nearly every waking moment with a cigar in his mouth.

Churchill had a 62-year political career, and was easily the most illustrious and influential British statesman of the 20th century. He authored over a dozen books and countless articles for periodicals, and was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature.

I don't think he attended a single Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Despite his seemingly unhealthy habits, he lived to the age of 90, and remains a legend.

Churchill didn't identify as an addict. He didn't use it as an excuse for any lack of achievement. He didn't bother trying to quit. In those days, the only men who did were the ones who couldn't hold their liquor.

Nobody cares if you're drunk or sober. Your output is all that matters. Make that your identity, and the rest will take care of itself.

linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram